Recently I met with a VP of Operations at a Fortune 500 company. They had concerns about being able to capture peers’ attention on Zoom, and many meetings seemed like battles.
I mentioned to this leader that they are not alone and asked: “Tell me about what typically happens in these team meetings with your boss and peers.”
They explained: “There are three peers in the group – out of like 8 of us – who are the ‘talkers’. They intervene a lot.”
I asked: “Intervene or interrupt?”
They laughed: “Haha, definitely interrupt.”
I smiled. “That’s why it seems like a battle to you, right?” I see an emphatic head nod. “So in this environment, what have you tried so far to make your voice heard?”
They said: “It’s really hard. I am conscious about ‘picking my battles’: Only want to say something if it really matters or is helpful to the decision. I usually wait til about halfway in the meeting after a lot of back and forths with those who talk a lot; then I throw out my POV at the very second when someone stops talking.”
I said: “So you’re playing the waiting game, and you time it so you don’t interrupt?”
They concurred: “For sure, I don’t want to be one of the leaders known for interrupting. No way.”
I nodded: “Yeah, I get that. And I agree with that…to a point.”
They asked: “What do you mean, ‘to a point’?”
I said: “Conflicts ensue because leaders often interrupt with strident POVs back and forth. And it feels like a ‘battle’ because people don’t let up. I do see successful execs interrupt with questions, so I think there is a place for interrupts.”
They weren’t convinced: “I have tried that. In heated conversations, it falls flat.”
I nodded: “Yes, in heated conversations, perhaps. How about adjusting your timing? Intervene early! Ask a clarifying question in the first 10 minutes. Or summarize and add to it: ‘Here’s the gist of what I am hearing, and let’s also consider this.’ Either way, early is best. Later, when things may be more heated, interrupting with a good question or summary isn’t going to fall as flat.”
They said: “Ok, I am willing to try earlier. My usual MO is to sit back and wait to see how things unfold.”
I concurred: “Glad you’re willing to try to intervene earlier. It will help the cause; you also get to practice your executive presence, which I see as a balance of gravitas+grace. You have the grace; speaking earlier, and more often — and even interrupting with a question — will add to your gravitas. When is your next team meeting?”
They confirmed: “Next Tuesday, right before you and I meet again.”
I lit up: “Ok, great. Remember: ‘Pick your moments, not your battles.’” 😊
That really resonated: “For sure.”
What do you do to demonstrate your gravitas+grace to influence a decision?
