Five Tips for Setting Boundaries in a Hybrid Workplace

I recently reflected on an executive leadership coaching panel discussion on the topic “Lines in the Sand: Setting Boundaries in Today’s Global, Always-On Workplace.” The similarities in perceptions between working hybrid or remotely and an “always-on” environment are striking. And the expectations are as well.

The lines between when we clock in and check out are blurred at best. It can seem like we’re always “on” and accessible. Giving that impression or acting as if we’re always accessible is not a recipe for success – individually or for organizations. We need time to disconnect and recharge to be at our most creative and productive when we work. It also makes for a more pleasant parent, partner, friend, etc. But sadly, many organizations constantly push boundaries. It is up to individuals and leaders to keep defining, communicating, and demonstrating effective boundary-setting to ensure healthy, productive, engaging work environments.

Five Tips:

1. Establish agreements

Openly establish agreements and boundaries with co-workers. Figure out what works for you and the team and stick with it (with exceptions for extreme circumstances).

- Set a regular start and end time to your day, whether you are in the office or working from home and a time that you might usually scan email later in the evening or first thing in the morning.
- Have a clear understanding about how and when you will cover for each other when someone needs personal time during the day, for PTO, etc.
- Discuss boundaries around weekends. Define “emergencies.” Teamwork and transparent communication are key. Boundaries outside of work are important too.
- Agreements around device-free time, children’s bedtimes, gym time, sleep-in days, etc., can go a long way to enabling regular downtime.

2. Get clear on what is important

Get clear on what’s important to you outside of work; otherwise, it is easy to let work creep into too much of your personal time – robbing you of your work effectiveness and of having a joyful life! For example, many people say that family is important – but get really clear and specific about WHAT is important. Is it important to have dinner together every night? To read bedtime stories? To attend events together? To have family-focused weekends? Clarity and inspiration will make it easier to set and keep boundaries.

Also, get clear on what is important at work. Many times, boundaries get crossed due to false crises. Don’t create them, and don’t overreact when others create them. Often good listening, a few calm questions, and quick brainstorming of options can reduce anxiety and panic and allow for a more reasonable approach to an issue that doesn’t have to include it being taken care of tonight. Granted, there are times when crises are real and extra time is needed, but those don’t have to be the norm.

3. Use technology to your advantage

Leverage your calendar. Indicate working hours and/or block out times when you are unavailable for meetings, including appropriate morning and evening hours. Use auto-reply if you will be unavailable to respond for a longer-than-usual amount of time.

For example, our love/hate relationship with our addictive mobile devices requires some care too. These things which keep us “on” are also very capable of helping us be “off”, by auto-replying to texts when driving, in a meeting, sleeping, etc., or blocking calls, using caller ID, etc. You can also establish no-device zones or times, e.g. at the dinner table, in the bedroom, on Saturdays.

4. Be brave – yes is not the only answer

Saying no to a direct request of your time is not easy, especially when the request comes from your boss or an important client. But often, an over-eagerness-to-please can cause you to say yes when you are making an unneeded sacrifice. Always giving an unequivocal yes and/or being overly flexible can set up unwelcome behaviors and expectations from that boss or client.

- Take a pause and a breath before immediately answering yes.
- Ask questions to clarify needs and timing – it’s okay to offer alternatives while making sure needs get met.

5. Remember, you have a choice

It can be easy to get overwhelmed with the “always-on” nature of the hybrid/remote workplace today and to slip into a victim mentality about it. But you always have a choice. Focus on what you can control and do your best to maintain healthy boundaries. If your boss or organization has a very different philosophy or culture regarding boundaries it may be time for a new role or organization.

You deserve to be thriving, not just surviving.

Let us know your best tips for thriving in today’s always-on workplace. What works for you?

____________________________

About the author:

Tawny Lees, M.B.A., is the COO of Mariposa Leadership, Inc. She coaches, teaches, leads, ensures client satisfaction, and is a coach/client matchmaker extraordinaire. Tawny’s coaching career began in 2004, inspired and informed by over 18 years of corporate leadership experience. She held VP roles in the financial services industry in functions as diverse as Risk, Sales, Service, Operations, Change Management, and Marketing. Despite literally growing up in crazy-paced organizations, Tawny maintained a pragmatic and grounded perspective on leadership.

Find out more about our executive leadership coaching workshops and one on one coaching services.

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August 24th, 2021|Categories: Blog, Coaching Skills, Culture, Leadership, Stress / Work-Life Integration|Tags: always on workplace, executive leadership coaching, hybrid, leadership tips, leading remotely, remote workers, setting boundaries, Tawny Lees, workplace culture|

May 5, 2021 / Ask Mariposa / Strategy

Ask Mariposa | How to Repair a Damaged Working Relationship

Mariposa Leadership Coach Tawny Lees helps an employee resolve a real-life disagreement by employing the Ladder of Inference model developed by Chris Argyris.

Jamie asks: My colleague and I disagreed on the future of our project. She thought we should cut our losses now, while I thought we could still grow a customer base in a specific territory. Before I knew it, tensions escalated based on assumptions I made about her commitment to the project. We still haven’t decided what direction to take this project and now we aren’t interacting as well as we used to. I’d like to address the situation. Have any advice?

Tawny Lees, COO or Mariposa, responds:

As you know, in business, decisions and actions ought to be based on reality and facts. It sounds though as if the situation escalated because you may have jumped to conclusions, rather than keep the discussion focused at the facts level.

One mental model you can use next time you encounter a disagreement is the Ladder of Inference. The ladder describes thinking steps that lead one to jump to inaccurate conclusions, where decisions and actions are made far from reality. The ladder looks like this:

Imagine at the base of a ladder lie reality and facts. As we head up the rungs of the ladder, we select data from the set of facts to add meaning based on our own prior experience and beliefs, make assumptions, draw conclusions, develop beliefs based on these conclusions, then finally, take action that seems “right” (because it’s based on what we believe.) As you can see, beliefs drive what information we choose to see, which may or may not be based on reality! And acting on assumptions can lead to damaged relationships.

In your next discussion, we suggest getting into rapport with her by matching your body language, voice, and words with hers. This will help level-set any uneasiness you both might be feeling. Then, describe the thinking process of the Ladder of Inference, and let her know where you were “on the ladder” in your last discussion. Revisit the project facts from there. You’ll be able to move to the decision when you’re both focused on the reality of your project! Good luck!

You can find out more about Mariposa Leadership and our executive coaching services here

For more information on the Ladder of Inference, read Overcoming Organizational Defenses by Chris Argyris, Allyn, and Bacon, 1990.

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May 5th, 2021|Categories: Ask Mariposa, Strategy|Tags: ask mariposa, business leadership, executive development, ladder of inference, leadership team developement, Mariposa Leadership, Tawny Lees|

May 11, 2015 / Leadership

Ask Mariposa | Attire and Career Success

Janelle asks: I’m interested in making a career move within my company. Though our office is business casual, most of my peers dress fairly casually and it doesn’t seem to be an issue. I want to show management I’m serious about the next step up but don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb by dressing up. In today’s business environment, especially in a casual company, how important is attire to career success?

Tawny Lees, COO, responds :

Great question! How you present yourself can be very relevant to being seen as promotable, even in a casual office. In addition to having requisite talent, managers and leaders need to inspire confidence, and this is largely conveyed through presence. Others make judgments based on how you present yourself. Dressing with a certain amount of style in a casual environment says you are serious about your career and projects confidence. Consider the image you want to project. You might start by observing how your leaders dress, as they set the tone for acceptable behavior and attire. Evolve your work-wear by integrating some of those details, such as wearing a blouse or collared shirt instead of a tee shirt or a nice pair of shoes instead of sneakers. You can likely find a way to feel like yourself, while taking it up a notch to project your desired image. Nuance is key – don’t go overboard and be the sore thumb you mentioned! If you are totally baffled, try a personal shopper at any major retailer; they can help you pick out some perfect pieces, and usually at no extra charge.

Good luck!

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May 11th, 2015|Categories: Leadership|Tags: ask mariposa, career success, confidence, executive presence, Mariposa Leadership, Tawny Lees|

December 12, 2013 / Ask Mariposa

Ask Mariposa | Becoming a T-shaped Leader

Danielle asks: I was promoted about a year ago and am leading an HR team at a small but rapidly growing company. My boss recently mentioned I need to broaden my perspective and skill set to be more effective, especially as we continue to grow. I was surprised to hear this considering my role and background in HR. What do I need to do?

Tawny Lees, COO of Mariposa, responds:

Great question! Often times, depth of business expertise can lead to a promotion, but the skills required for leading at the next level change. Effective HR leaders in rapidly growing companies possess a balance of both vertical and horizontal skills, referred to as being“T-shaped.” The vertical piece refers to the depth of your specific functional business expertise (like Benefits/Comp/Recruiting, etc. for an HR Manager.) The horizontal piece refers to your skills, experience or perspectives that help you contribute and collaborate across the company, outside of your particular area of expertise. The combination of vertical and horizontal skills increases your ability to adapt and flex to change, and collaborate, which is key in environments which are constantly changing or require constant innovation.

Ask yourself:

What factors are impacting your business, thus driving change for HR? Of those, which do you need to know more about?
Do you have prior experience that could lend an empathetic view, if not skills or abilities? You might have knowledge or skills but may not have leveraged it in your role yet.
Can you participate in any committees or special projects to broaden horizontally?

T-shaped leadership is cultivated over time. You might want to consider outside conferences, courses, travel or community projects while you build skills on the job.

Good luck, great question!

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December 12th, 2013|Categories: Ask Mariposa|Tags: ask mariposa, design thinking, HR, HR leader, innovation, Mariposa Leadership, t-shaped leader, Tawny Lees|

June 13, 2013 / Ask Mariposa

Ask Mariposa: Communication Barrier Tips

Janelle asks: I’m experiencing communication barriers with my direct reports. On two projects, I’ve asked them to take the lead on things but they’ve dropped the ball. What tips can you offer to help with my communication?

Tawny Lees, COO responds:

How frustrating! When making requests, many communication barriers can occur. When you reflect on these requests, were they posed in a direct manner, i.e.: “Will you?”, or indirect, such as “Can you please…?” Indirect requests are not straightforward enough to solicit an immediate yes/no response. Also make sure any request is very specific – you’d be amazed at how often they aren’t! Include:

Who: will do the work
What: specific action and/or result needed
When: time frame
Why: context/purpose

Then, make sure to listen for a true response, which should indicate a yes, no, an alternative proposal or a commitment to do it at a later time.

One final tip: direct requests might sound strange at first, so we recommend practicing them. Successful use comes from mastering your tone of voice, which should be firm and clear to prevent communication barriers.

For more information, we suggest:

Computers and Cognition, by T. Winograd & F. Flores

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June 13th, 2013|Categories: Ask Mariposa|Tags: ask mariposa, communication, communication barriers, effective leadership, executive coaching, leadership, making requests, Mariposa Leadership, questions, Tawny Lees|

May 31, 2013 / Ask Mariposa

Ask Mariposa: Distracted Or Do I Need Listening Training?

James asks: I’ve received feedback several times in the past that listening is one of my strengths. However, a colleague recently suggested I attend listening training. I have a lot going on at the moment, but is listening training the answer?

Tawny Lees, COO responds:

If you are like most of our clients, you face a great deal of pressure and demand on your time. Perhaps you have taken on a new role or have been tasked with an important initiative. Without realizing it, you might be encountering moments of distraction that prevent you from being fully present and listening as well as you would normally. Before you pursue listening training, try these tips before your next meeting:

Become present. Before your meetings, take 5-6 deep belly breaths. Take a moment to get clear on the focus areas for the discussion.
In the conversation, keep your focus on others as you listen. Try to match their pace, tone and energy.
Repeat back key words said to demonstrate you are listening.

These resources might also be helpful:

Huffington Post Article: Eden Kowalski, 3 Simple Ways to be More Mindful at Work
Harvard Business Review Blog Post: Ram Charan, The Discipline of Listening
Harvard Business Review Blog Post: Marshall Goldsmith, Look Like You’re Listening

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May 31st, 2013|Categories: Ask Mariposa|Tags: ask mariposa, communication, distraction, executive coaching, feedback, Harvard Business Review, listening skills, listening training, Mariposa Leadership, Tawny Lees|

May 21, 2013 / Ask Mariposa

Ask Mariposa: How to Coach Someone Who Doesn’t Want to be Coached

Saul asks: How do you coach an employee that doesn’t want to be coached, but is part of his PDP obligation to be coached for 4 months? What power suggestions or questions would you use in this situation to motivate behavior or start thinking about the pressure to change?

Tawny Lees, COO of Mariposa responds:

Hi Saul,

Tough situation! As a coach, you know that openness to the coaching process is a pre-requisite to it being effective. So hopefully you can enroll this employee before committing to the engagement!

I suggest you start with open questions and deep listening to truly understand the resistance. “Tell me about you…tell me about what’s going around here…tell me about this PDP plan…”

Often the resistance is fear of the unknown, and an assumption that the coach is working for “others” who have an agenda. Establish rapport and explain the coaching process/relationship (including confidentiality) using positive language like “you and I would focus on what’s most important and helpful for you” or “clients use me as an objective sounding board as they work on their goals and tackle tough problems.” Address any specific objections, questions or worries. Your objective would be to help the employee see that you are there to help him/her be successful. Period.

If/when you see an opening, you could try specific questions about goals and begin motivating. Here are some ideas:

“What are your toughest challenges right now?” “What would it be like if you were able to handle those with more ease?”
“I find most people like to continually grow and stretch themselves. Tell me about anything at which you are currently trying to get better?” “What benefits would come from getting better at ____ ?”
“What could we work on that would have a big impact on your career/work life?”

Good luck! Let us know if we can help further. More on rapport and assessment questions can be found in our ITM coaching model.

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May 21st, 2013|Categories: Ask Mariposa|Tags: ask mariposa, coaching, communication, effective leadership, executive coaching, ITM Coaching, Mariposa Leadership, questions, rapport, Tawny Lees|

April 29, 2013 / Blog / HR / Talent Management

Five Lessons from a CEO on HR

In a unique turn of roles Les Hayman “retired” from a long tenure as a CEO to leading Global HR for SAP. In a recent guest blog post, Les summarizes five key lessons that he dubbed: “What I Wish I Knew as a CEO That I Learned Later in HR.” The five lessons were:

1. Spend more time on making recruitment a core competency in the entire organization. I especially agree with his point that hiring for attitude is more important than hiring mainly for skills. The costs of weak hiring practices are enormous, and while HR should lead the way – it is every leader’s responsibility to be good at recruiting.

2. A large number of people who move into management are not comfortable when they get there and should be given the opportunity to move back out without being penalized, or better still, can stay in a professional role rather than being pushed into management. Les was surprised at the number of reluctant managers he came across, and advocates for valid vocational career paths for professionals. I agree with him wholeheartedly, AND I believe that sometimes these reluctant managers can become highly passionate and effective managers given the right coaching.

3. There are no such things as HR problems, only business problems that HR needs to help resolve. Couldn’t agree with this one more – HR leaders need to see themselves as business leaders before others will.

4. Spend more time on underperformers. While I agree with this, I also believe the right recruitment has to be in place first. And that the “move them up or move them out” approach does not have to be a lengthy, painful process.

5. Put less value on formal performance reviews and more on managing behavior as a moment by moment way of business life. Hallelujah on this one, and the ITM Coaching approach is a great skill for leaders to enable this moment-by-moment way of business life!

To check out the full article: http://seapointcenter.com/what-i-wish-i-knew-as-a-ceo-that-i-learned-later-in-hr/

To check out other writings by Les Hayman: http://leshayman.wordpress.com/

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April 29th, 2013|Categories: Blog, HR / Talent Management|Tags: business, effective leadership, HR Leadership, HR management, ITM Coaching, Les Hayman, Mariposa Leadership, recruitmen, Tawny Lees|

January 10, 2013 / Ask Mariposa / Coaching Skills / HR / Talent Management / Strategy

Ask Mariposa: How to Be More Strategic

Anne-Lise asked:

I’ve received feedback that I need to be more strategic but I’m not sure how to even begin working on this. Help?

Tawny Lees, COO responded:

Hi Anne-Lise,

First off, please know that you are not alone in getting this feedback and feeling a bit lost! This is a common growth edge for many leaders, especially those who have had more execution-focused roles and are now becoming more senior in their organizations.

Being “more strategic” is a combination of developing a new mindset as well as behaviors. Strategic thinkers take a broad, longer-range approach to problem solving and anticipating the future. They think systemically – identifying the implications of their decisions on other parts of the organization, customers, partners, etc. Strategic leaders also embed strategic behaviors into their routine – taking regular time alone and with team members to think ahead, ask tough questions, review the competitive environment, ponder the future, and plan.

I’d suggest looking at articles and/or books on both strategic thinking and the process of strategic planning to see what resonates with you. From those resources, pick a couple of things to try, and enlist the help of your boss or a colleague to support you with feedback and accountability. Our Mariposa Leadership theme this year is strategy, so you can also sign up to listen in on the free monthly Wise Talk teleconferences for added insight. You could also identify someone in your org whom you feel is very strategic and pay close attention to how they think and operate. Perhaps ask for some mentoring from them.

Developing in this area is a journey – glad you are embarking, it is critical to great leadership!

Share your thoughts on this response in the comments section below, and ask us anything here: http://blog.mariposaleadership.com/ask-mariposa/

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January 10th, 2013|Categories: Ask Mariposa, Coaching Skills, HR / Talent Management, Strategy|Tags: ask mariposa, executive coaching, HR Leadership, leadership, resources, Strategy, Tawny Lees|

October 27, 2011 / Coaching Skills / HR / Talent Management / Mariposa Articles

ITM Coaching in Action: What, When, and How to Coach in Interrupt-Driven Organizations

How can you coach others in interrupt-driven environments? The ITM Coaching™ model is available to support learning and change. In this article, by Mariposa Leadership, Inc. CEO Susan Bethanis and COO Tawny Lees, the model is broken down into a simple three-step framework with numerous examples to illustrate the concepts in practice.

To download the full article, click here.

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October 27th, 2011|Categories: Coaching Skills, HR / Talent Management, Mariposa Articles|Tags: executive coaching, HR Leadership, ITM Coaching, Mariposa Leadership, sue bethanis, Tawny Lees|