Even as the pandemic “eases up,” many of our executive coaching clients and HR partners are still under a lot of stress, pressure, and sometimes even heavier workloads as they plan for their company’s next phase of hybrid work. We have various ways we help them stay resilient, and found this article by Dr. Alice Boyes, author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit to be particularly useful. We hope you will too. Here are some snippets of the article. To read the article in its entirety you can find it here.
“Five Mistakes We Make When We Are Overwhelmed”
Summary. When we’re overwhelmed during busy and challenging times, the way we react can actually make things worse. By being aware of the five common patterns overwhelmed people tend to fall into, you can make things easier on yourself and those around you. First, stop waiting for the opportune moment and actually take the time to do the things you know will help you. Second, make use of your unconscious mind. Third, replace your self-criticism with compassionate self-talk. Fourth, consider your values and make sure they’re the right fit for the situation. Finally, don’t miss opportunities to fill your emotional cup.
When you feel overwhelmed, you may react in ways that not only don’t help the situation but that even make it worse. Maybe you’re oblivious to these patterns, or you know what they are but struggle to do anything about them.
The following are five common self-sabotaging mistakes overwhelmed people tend to make. There are practical solutions for each that will help you feel like you’re on top of things and do a better job of navigating your most important tasks and solving problems.
1. You think you don’t have time for actions that would help you.
People often have great ideas about things that would help them feel better and more in control — for example, hiring someone to help around the house, practicing self-care, seeing a therapist, taking a vacation, or organizing a game night with friends. However, they dismiss them because they think they’re too busy or that it’s not the right time, waiting to take those actions until a more ideal moment that typically never arrives.
2. You don’t utilize your unconscious mind enough.
Focus isn’t the only way to get things done. Your unconscious mind is great at problem-solving, too.
When I go for a walk, my mind wanders. I don’t aim to walk mindfully; rather, I let my mind drift without directing it too much. When I do this, it invariably meanders to work, but not in an unpleasant way. Solutions to problems magically emerge, and what I should prioritize becomes clearer without effort.
3. You interpret feeling overwhelmed as a weakness.
Lots of times, we feel overwhelmed simply because we need to do a task we’re not very familiar with, or because a task is high stakes and we want to do a superb job of it. By itself, this isn’t necessarily a problem. We can often work through the task despite those overwhelmed feelings.
However, sometimes we get self-critical about the very fact that we feel overwhelmed. We think: “I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by this. It’s not that hard. I should be able to handle it without it stressing out.” When you’re self-critical, you become more likely to procrastinate, because not only does the task trigger feelings of overwhelm, it also triggers shame or anxiety about having those feelings.
4. You default to your dominant approaches and defenses.
When we get stressed out, we tend to get a bit more rigid. Because we have less cognitive and emotional bandwidth to consider other options, we become less flexible about adapting to the demands of the situation and default to our dominant ways of handling things.
5. You withdraw from your supports.
If you feel overwhelmed, you’ve probably got limited emotional energy. This can lead to important changes in your behavior and emotional availability. They can be subtle — maybe you usually give your child a long hug when they come to you, but instead, you now give them a quick perfunctory squeeze while still thinking about other things, then get back to whatever you were doing.
By being aware of the five patterns outlined here, you can make getting through busy and challenging times easier on yourself and those around you. They’re understandable patterns to fall into — and not a reason for you to be self-critical. Know what the traps are and make easy, small changes to overcome them.
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As always, would love to hear your thoughts! Reach out to us with comments, questions and if interested in our help, check out our latest offerings tailored to today’s landscape: Navigating the New Normal.