Five Tips for Setting Boundaries in a Hybrid Workplace

I recently reflected on an executive leadership coaching panel discussion on the topic “Lines in the Sand: Setting Boundaries in Today’s Global, Always-On Workplace.” The similarities in perceptions between working hybrid or remotely and an “always-on” environment are striking. And the expectations are as well.

The lines between when we clock in and check out are blurred at best. It can seem like we’re always “on” and accessible. Giving that impression or acting as if we’re always accessible is not a recipe for success – individually or for organizations. We need time to disconnect and recharge to be at our most creative and productive when we work. It also makes for a more pleasant parent, partner, friend, etc. But sadly, many organizations constantly push boundaries. It is up to individuals and leaders to keep defining, communicating, and demonstrating effective boundary-setting to ensure healthy, productive, engaging work environments.

Five Tips:

1. Establish agreements

Openly establish agreements and boundaries with co-workers. Figure out what works for you and the team and stick with it (with exceptions for extreme circumstances).

- Set a regular start and end time to your day, whether you are in the office or working from home and a time that you might usually scan email later in the evening or first thing in the morning.
- Have a clear understanding about how and when you will cover for each other when someone needs personal time during the day, for PTO, etc.
- Discuss boundaries around weekends. Define “emergencies.” Teamwork and transparent communication are key. Boundaries outside of work are important too.
- Agreements around device-free time, children’s bedtimes, gym time, sleep-in days, etc., can go a long way to enabling regular downtime.

2. Get clear on what is important

Get clear on what’s important to you outside of work; otherwise, it is easy to let work creep into too much of your personal time – robbing you of your work effectiveness and of having a joyful life! For example, many people say that family is important – but get really clear and specific about WHAT is important. Is it important to have dinner together every night? To read bedtime stories? To attend events together? To have family-focused weekends? Clarity and inspiration will make it easier to set and keep boundaries.

Also, get clear on what is important at work. Many times, boundaries get crossed due to false crises. Don’t create them, and don’t overreact when others create them. Often good listening, a few calm questions, and quick brainstorming of options can reduce anxiety and panic and allow for a more reasonable approach to an issue that doesn’t have to include it being taken care of tonight. Granted, there are times when crises are real and extra time is needed, but those don’t have to be the norm.

3. Use technology to your advantage

Leverage your calendar. Indicate working hours and/or block out times when you are unavailable for meetings, including appropriate morning and evening hours. Use auto-reply if you will be unavailable to respond for a longer-than-usual amount of time.

For example, our love/hate relationship with our addictive mobile devices requires some care too. These things which keep us “on” are also very capable of helping us be “off”, by auto-replying to texts when driving, in a meeting, sleeping, etc., or blocking calls, using caller ID, etc. You can also establish no-device zones or times, e.g. at the dinner table, in the bedroom, on Saturdays.

4. Be brave – yes is not the only answer

Saying no to a direct request of your time is not easy, especially when the request comes from your boss or an important client. But often, an over-eagerness-to-please can cause you to say yes when you are making an unneeded sacrifice. Always giving an unequivocal yes and/or being overly flexible can set up unwelcome behaviors and expectations from that boss or client.

- Take a pause and a breath before immediately answering yes.
- Ask questions to clarify needs and timing – it’s okay to offer alternatives while making sure needs get met.

5. Remember, you have a choice

It can be easy to get overwhelmed with the “always-on” nature of the hybrid/remote workplace today and to slip into a victim mentality about it. But you always have a choice. Focus on what you can control and do your best to maintain healthy boundaries. If your boss or organization has a very different philosophy or culture regarding boundaries it may be time for a new role or organization.

You deserve to be thriving, not just surviving.

Let us know your best tips for thriving in today’s always-on workplace. What works for you?

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About the author:

Tawny Lees, M.B.A., is the COO of Mariposa Leadership, Inc. She coaches, teaches, leads, ensures client satisfaction, and is a coach/client matchmaker extraordinaire. Tawny’s coaching career began in 2004, inspired and informed by over 18 years of corporate leadership experience. She held VP roles in the financial services industry in functions as diverse as Risk, Sales, Service, Operations, Change Management, and Marketing. Despite literally growing up in crazy-paced organizations, Tawny maintained a pragmatic and grounded perspective on leadership.

Find out more about our executive leadership coaching workshops and one on one coaching services.

August 24th, 2021|Categories: Blog, Coaching Skills, Culture, Leadership, Stress / Work-Life Integration|Tags: always on workplace, executive leadership coaching, hybrid, leadership tips, leading remotely, remote workers, setting boundaries, Tawny Lees, workplace culture|

July 27, 2021 / Blog / Culture / Leadership / Mariposa Articles

Let’s Leave the Armor Off, for Good

A personal perspective on leading differently in the next pandemic transition

We have choices as we emerge from the pandemic: We can go back to what now seems like an unsustainable pre-Covid frenetic pace, or we can use this next pandemic transition phase to start afresh, to have different kinds of conversations with our teams (and ourselves). What’s at stake is our well-being, actually. The pandemic has taken its toll on us (collectively and individually), and we are still in the midst of having to weather a storm unlike any other in our lifetimes.

So, let us admit that we are more fragile now; that we need to be more patient with each other; and that we need to be more mindful about truly understanding each other and not leave it to happenstance or the occasional meetup.

This next pandemic transition is an opportunity for leaders to be real: We can focus on bringing our full selves to work and breathe a sigh of relief that we don’t have to put on the armor anymore.

It’s an opportunity to care for each other in ways we really didn’t have to in the “Before.” We can deepen connections with our team members, focus on staying flexible and open amidst constant (and continued) uncertainty, and model self-care to keep ourselves and our teams resilient.

CONNECT. FLEX. CARE. Hopefully, you can hang your hat on these, and put that armor in the junk pile.

ONE: Stay close and stay connected.

Most likely your company is sticking to a remote-only WFA (work-from-anywhere) model OR a hybrid model with some over-arching RTO (return-to-office) policies. Whichever work model your company has or is adopting, it’s vital to stay close and connected to your team members in some way, every day. Closeness comes in various forms and builds the trust needed as we enter this transitional and uncertain hybrid phase. With the daunting amount of Zoom calls endured over the past 18 months, we have glanced into our work colleague’s living rooms, kitchens, and makeshift offices in bedrooms and closets; and we have chuckled with each dog and child passer-by. We have also experimented with a myriad of coffee-, drink-, game-, knitting-, movie-, you-name-it affinity-group meet-ups. These glimpses and Zoom micro-meetings have brought us a bit closer and allowed us to stay connected to our work colleagues. And so-called work-life balance has become more like work-life intertwine. Yes, we have struggled with boundaries, but we have also opened up in ways we haven’t before. What are some ways we can continue to open up, to deepen closeness and connection? Here are some ideas to try out, drawn from my own experiences with running a 13-person team of coaches and listening to many leaders tell me their stories. One, encourage others to share thoughts and feelings in 1-1s and team meetings. This flows better if you: a) create a safe space with thoughtful questions, and b) model your own vulnerability and share what’s happening for you. Here are two examples:

Do consistent check-ins at the top of team meetings. We don’t mean just a “how’s-everyone-doing-today” check-in. We have found with our team — and in listening to our clients talk about what works with their teams — having an initial 3-5 minutes to banter is important; then asking one specific question that allows people to be themselves and learn about each other works well. Questions like:
- What is one thing you overcame this week that surprised you?
- What activity did you do with a friend or family member that gave you joy?
- What skill are you working on outside of work that you kicked ass on?
- What movie or show did you watch that you adored?
- What conversation did you have with a colleague that gave you the support you didn’t even know you needed?

Have lunch, coffee, drinks in-person, outside whether you’re WFA or RTO. Perhaps you will discover some new places near the office, renew ties with old haunts, and/or meet up with a team member at a halfway point between your homes. And decide if it’s feasible to travel to see team members (if WFA) or bring them to headquarters. All of these ideas take time and there is nothing scalable about it. On purpose. The presence you share will go a long way. And it sure beats emailing an Uber-Eats gift card.

Two, coaching your team members regularly is also a way to stay close and stay connected. For example:

Put more attention on in-the-moment coaching. Linger after Zoom group meetings by picking up the phone with a team member or use Slack to continue a conversation; or, if you’re in the office, walk team members to their next meeting. These in-between moments are not only ripe for learning and problem-solving, but also demonstrate you’re going the extra mile for your team members.

Listen for the “hard stuff.” By giving your team members more opportunities to be themselves and talk about what’s going on for them, people will inevitably bring up hard things. Like, someone might express grief over the death of a loved one from Covid; or express overwhelm with balancing kids and work; or express fears about coming into the office. Just listening and acknowledging people’s pain may be all they need; yet in some cases, a person may need much more support — from inside or outside the company. You might suggest that they chat with HR and/or Employee Assistance. Perhaps they have their own coach or therapist; check in with them about that, and if not, suggest it.

TWO: Stay flexible, open, and experiment.

(Especially if your company is doing an RTO hybrid.) I have written previously about the importance of a leader thinking like a designer. Staying flexible and experimenting — central tenets of design thinking — is going to come in handy here in this next pandemic transition phase. Back in March 2020, we all went out of the office together, and as tech leaders and employees, you were mostly in the same boat as far as being disadvantaged or advantaged (depending on your perspective) by working from home. Not the case now. The RTO hybrid is about to be different-day-different-company-different-boat. This is concerning for many reasons, mostly because things and people will get lost in the shuffle. Unfortunately, this is a perfect storm for even more exclusion and lack of continuity. Yet, there are things you can control and design for.

One, do a mindset re-set: Prepare yourself for even more uncertainty. (“Oh god,” you’re whispering under your breath right now). If you expect that things (i.e., outside-the-company forces, inside-the-company policies), will be in constant motion, then when you hear about (yet again), another shift in mask-wearing, or that you can’t get monitors for your new hoteling desks because the supply chain is four months behind, or that the facilities app that determines who is in-the-office-what-days completely gets f**ked up, then you could say to yourself, “It’s ok, we are expecting these snafus to happen…this isn’t a surprise.” We know this is easier said than done. But this is the point. With prototyping new work models and any new apps/tools/platforms, etc., there will be failures. Fail fast, get the feedback, and try a different way.

Two, in the midst of the grandest prototyping experiment ever, it’s important to check your anxiety along the way. Your anxiety level very much will determine how much uncertainty you can handle. Part of being flexible means being calm in the midst of a big, fat mess. What can you do to be more patient, overall, and catch yourself when things aren’t going the way you want them to, or the way they should be going? We know meditation and breathing helps. We know that people who meditate regularly (sitting for as little as 10 minutes a day) will be able to access the calmness they experience when they meditate when the going gets tough at the office, at home, or in-between (because we know that commuting on those freeways again is really going to suck).

Three, another aspect of being flexible is the discernment you model when dealing with the myriad of new circumstances-turned-dilemmas that are already popping up in the RTO hybrid. From our vantage point at Mariposa (currently working with approximately 24 companies and 70+ leaders), the primary problem in the RTO hybrid is “managing by exception.” This could be related to everything from how many days in the office to traveling to offsites to mask-wearing (and a host of other new policies).

For example, if your company has instituted a mandatory 3/2 hybrid (three days in the office, two at home), and you have a team member who moved away during the pandemic, what do you do? This situation came up with one of our clients recently. The leader — a senior director at a 1500-person tech firm — wasn’t sure what to do with a top performer who had permanently moved 1000 miles away in the early part of the pandemic. She didn’t want to lose the employee, so she granted an exception to the company policy. The leader made the decision based on a lot of communication with her team member — to understand their situation — and she looked at all the possible angles. The leader was definitely concerned about flight risk (because her team member could easily go work for another remote-only company — even a competitor). However, in the end, it wasn’t just about the flight risk. By taking ample time to learn about the employee’s circumstances at home, the leader gained a deeper understanding and more empathy, so ultimately, the decision wasn’t that hard to make. This senior director is not alone in trying to solve for these types of dilemmas. (In fact, her situation is so typical that “remote-only” companies are starting to capitalize on this status as a competitive advantage.) We have all seen the headlines about the protesting at large tech companies (e.g., company wants 3,4,5 days in the office; employees want less). Now multiply that by every tech company. Wow. Each tech company has its own RTO hybrid policies. And bosses on every level are going to be bombarded with exceptions to the policies (e.g., company wants 3 days in the office; employees want 0,1,2). There aren’t scalable solutions here; in fact, by its nature, “manage by exception” IS one person at a time. Thus, in anticipation of this messiness, we have outlined some questions you can ask yourself when you’re working with your team(s):

- What are your initial criteria for granting an exception? While performance most likely is one of the criteria, what other criteria are you considering? (Their home life circumstances, their value to team, etc.)
- What is your opinion of the RTO policies? How might your views be affecting how you’ll be granting exceptions?
- What is your relationship with the person you’re granting the exception to? Are you granting exceptions to people you know better and trust more? In other words, check yourself on favoring people you know better.
- How can you be the most flexible and still hold to the company policies?

Expect the unexpected, continue to hone and experiment, and do the best you can to discern the optimal solution for that day or that situation, person, or team.

THREE: Do self-care and help others do it, too.

All through the pandemic, in our coaching work, we have supported leaders in many areas of skill and design; and self-care and well-being have been a central focus. In the initial stages of the pandemic, we helped clients design boundaries around what-was-work-and-what-was-home — everything from “Zoom Room” logistics to exercise routines to how to hide out from one’s two-year-old. More than anything we focused on helping clients model what Tony Schwartz so aptly calls “manage your energy, not your time.” Now, 18 months later, we have not changed our tune. We still think self-care is the single most important act you can do right now for yourself, and it’s a twofer: Modeling self-care is the single most important leaderly act you can do for your team or organization’s culture.

One, as we move into the next pandemic transition phase, what are the self-care routines you will want to keep that have served you well during the pandemic?

- Are you getting outside every day, for example, and if so, if you’re continuing with WFA, how can you increase that outside time? If you’re going to a RTO hybrid, how can you keep your commitment to outside time (no matter what!)?
- What other exercise routines will you keep and add to?
- What about your nutrition?
- Your sleep?
- Your meditation and/or alone time?

Two, what are some rituals you would like to add now that being social is a thing, again? For example:

- How will you socialize at work?
- When and where will you travel for work and for fun?
- What networking events will you do?
- How will you deal with some of the awkwardness of greetings, leavings, and lingerings? (A colleague said to us the other day that he went to a networking event, and he found himself not knowing what to do with his hands; he had to think about it way too much. While it was so welcomed to get out there, he said, it was super awkward, too. This, too, shall pass…with practice.)
- How will you see your in-work and out-of-work friends regularly? And could you up your game in keeping it real?

Three, how will you encourage others to focus on their self-care and well-being? One way is by making it a standing agenda item in your team meetings by asking: How do you rate your well-being on a scale of 1-10 today? And what could you do to up it a notch the rest of the day? Another way to encourage your team members’ self-care is by matching up team members with each other as support partners or buddies. Ask that they meet up once a week for 20-30 minutes to ask each other how they’re meeting their self-care goals.

Finally, hopefully, it goes without saying, that you, as a leader, need support, too. Please be gentle with yourself and ask for the support you need.

Last week, one of my favorite people, Steve Cadigan, happened to be in Maui at the same time as I, and we took a walk on Kama’ole I, my favorite beach. He asked me: “Sue, how are you doing, really?” I thanked him for asking and said: “Well, the pandemic has kicked my ass, no question about it, and I don’t think I will ever be the same. And…I have gotten through it, thanks to being outside like we are now in this glorious place…and, well, the Giants’ winning ways have helped my spirits immensely.” We both laughed out loud. All kidding aside, I got through the pandemic and will continue to “keep it real” for one primary reason: I ask for support. For example, I have worked with both an executive coach and a therapist on-and-off over the past 25 years; during the pandemic, I have upped this to every week without fail. I have sought out professionals for my teenager to support him through distance learning and to help me support him as well. I have regularly connected with my friends for their support and to get us outside so none of us get too isolated. I initiated and still facilitate two Zoom support groups (one with my best friends which meets Monday nights; and one with executive coaches across the U.S., which meets every other Wednesday morning). My weekly calls with my business partner, Tawny Lees (another one of my favorite people), have been focused on our respective well-being as much (or more) as our strategy and operational agenda items. And Tawny and I shifted the Mariposa team weekly Zoom meetings so we could spend more time on individual and collective well-being, including helping each other through continued uncertainty. In this essay, I have asked you to take the opportunity now, in this next pandemic transition phase, to refresh your conversations with your teams — to connect, to flex, and to model self-care. I can ask (and hopefully, inspire) you to do these things because I am on the same journey to do these things, myself.

My best to you as we all navigate this new world. I welcome your comments and ideas.

Thank You’s

I want to acknowledge the Mariposa Leadership team, all of whom are partners in these white paper endeavors. We try to practice what we preach in giving each other constant feedback and in trying new things (ad nauseam). Special thanks to Tawny Lees and Allison Adams for their edits and insights. And we owe all of this to the Mariposa clients. Their ideas, practices, and successes are woven throughout these pages.

About the Author

Susan J. Bethanis, Ed.D., is the Founder/CEO of Mariposa Leadership, Inc., a 13-person San Francisco-based firm that provides executive coaching and design thinking to tech and biotech leaders. Sue’s book, Leadership Chronicles of a Corporate Sage, is a fly-on-the-wall account of real conversations between a coach and an executive. Sue received her Doctorate in Education at USF, specializing in Organizational Leadership; her dissertation looked at the interdependence between language and change in organization culture. She received her Master’s Degree in Education from Stanford, specializing in Instructional Design. Sue also has a certification in Design Thinking from Stanford’s d.School. Sue lives in San Francisco and Maui with her 15-year-old entrepreneurial teen, Max. When she’s not coaching, Sue’s playing tennis, pickleball, and (attempts) golf; and she makes photographs all over the world. Contact her at 415-265-3142, sueb@mariposaleadership.com. Follow her at @suebethanis on Twitter and Instagram.

About Mariposa

For 25 years, Mariposa has been offering leadership coaching and consulting to tech leaders in both 1-1 and group formats. Mariposa’s recent clients include AppFolio, AWS, Gilead, Honor, Intel, Nvidia, PayPal, Peloton, Tapestry, Twitch, Theravance, Zuora, and Zynga. Leaders are turning to Mariposa’s executive coaches to help pivot, plan, and perform through this uncertainty. For more information, visit us at www.mariposaleadership.com. Download the PDF here

July 27th, 2021|Categories: Blog, Culture, Leadership, Mariposa Articles|Tags: company culture, design thinking, effective leadership, executive coaching, executive leadership coaching, HR Leadership, Mariposa Leadership, sue bethanis|

May 26, 2021 / Blog / Culture / Leadership / Wise Talk

Herminia Ibarra on Career Reinvention – Post Pandemic

We featured author Herminia Ibarra on our executive leadership podcast, WiseTalk just before the release of her book Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader. The intelligent, insightful discussion (see recap and link to recording below) covered topics including the outsight principle, how behavior drives attitudes (as opposed to the other way around), and why people fall into the authenticity trap – and how to get out.

As a recognized authority on leadership and career development, we were curious to learn how Herminia is coaching leaders in today’s strange corporate climate.

Here’s what we learned – At the start of the Covid-19 lockdown, as early as April 2020, Herminia Ibarra was quick to consider and share the effects the pandemic and its newly created challenges might have on the workforce. As a twenty-year scholar of career change studying periods including the dot-com boom and bust, the 2008 financial crisis, and the subsequently extended bull-market run, she is all too familiar with unexpected, even catastrophic change on company leaders, employees, and culture.

In an article for Harvard Business Review titled Reinventing Your Career in the Time of Coronavirus dated April 2020, Herminia states,

Unexpected events or shocks disrupt our habitual routines, jolt us out of our comfort zones, and lead us to ask big questions about what matters and what is worth doing. It’s no wonder, then, that during the current pandemic, many people are rethinking their careers.

Today, more than ever, the path to your next career will be circuitous. To cover all of the ground you’ll need to cover, it’s vital to let yourself imagine a divergent set of possible selves and futures. Embrace that process and explore as many of them as you can.

At that time, among her recommendations was to welcome the downtime. She urged people to get involved in projects, take courses, cultivate new knowledge, skills and relationships, do pro bono work, investigate start-up ideas, etc, until they can achieve a state of confidence or better footing.

Lockdown imposed limitations but, the concept was, as is in line with Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader, that the time could be an opportunity to learn about yourself and the kinds of contexts and people that bring out the best in you.

Now that we have traveled through these strange months and are emerging back into the world and some semblance of normalcy – Herminia considers lessons learned by the upheaval and the downtime as they relate to career and reinvention. She shares in a recent interview with RSA events, called Precarious Reinvention Through Precarious Times that, while there were rumblings of career change before the pandemic, since Covid those thoughts have been exasperated. The downtime activities and reflection she refers to in April of 2020 are now percolating ideas and actions for change. What is now occurring is a deep dig into what people really want in their careers. People can typically talk about what they do not want in a job. But identifying needs and desires is harder.

The pandemic caused a shock to the system that opened a window for consideration and contemplation. People merely dreaming about a job with more substance, meaning, passion, balance, and control became jolted into a new reality. Mortality entered the equation. Whether their health was in question or they experienced fatal or near-fatal events with friends, family, or colleagues, the question – Is what I am doing worth it? – And so now the real change begins. And, if you did not take the time early in isolation to practice self-reflection, skills building, or experience experimentation, it may be the time to do that now.

Our WiseTalk discussion between Sue and Herminia provides profound insights into how leaders and employees can come to purpose, understand and overcome the common traps that get in the way of stepping up to bigger or different positions or careers. You’ll learn how change really works when we are attempting to grow professionally, and how applying the “outsight” principle reshapes our image of ourselves, our jobs, and our potential. You can listen here.

In case you don’t know Herminia, she is the Charles Handy Professor of Organizational Behavior at London Business School. Before joining LBS, she served on the INSEAD and Harvard Business School faculties. Herminia was ranked 18th among the top management thinkers in the world by Thinkers 50 in 2019. She is a member of the World Economic Forum’s Expert Network, a judge for the Financial Times/McKinsey Business Book of the Year Award, and one of Apolitical’s 100 most influential people in gender policy.

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WiseTalk recap:

Favorite Quote:

“Until you can feel it in your bones, it’s very hard to have thinking drive your behavior.”

Insights:

The “outsight” principle means learning by going outside the norm. It’s an external perspective that you get from doing new things and experimenting, by interacting with new people, going outside your past experience, outside your usual network of contacts, and getting a more external perspective to open your eyes to a different reality.
Traditional leadership development methods tend to emphasize learning through introspection, which is the opposite of the outsight principle. Sue inquired about this juxtaposition. While there is a place for introspection in developing leaders, Herminia’s research showed that behavior drives attitudes and thought processes as opposed to another way around, particularly when the end state is unclear. When transitioning from A to B, and B as the end state is known, it’s easier to plan the steps to get to B. But when the end state is unknown or murky, all the thinking in the world is theory and likely to not match reality. When transitioning to a leadership role for the first time, Herminia explains the only way to aspire to that goal in a way that’s motivating, is to get closer to it through experimentation. Only then will you have fresh material for reflection afterward.
To gain outsight, Herminia suggested three areas for aspiring leaders to create some experiments: redefining your job, extending your network away from the usual suspects, and being more playful with yourself. Getting started with experiments in these three areas, especially with job activities and network building, will help you gain positive momentum. The people you meet along the way make a huge difference because they become kindred spirits or people who can guide you or you can bounce ideas off of because they are going through something similar. The more time spent thinking about it and conceptualizing this concept, the slower the learnings will come. But those who take action even if they aren’t sure where they are going, or because it feels unnatural, will learn more quickly.

What we found most interesting:

As people try to step up to leadership, they sometimes experience the authenticity trap. Things that don’t feel comfortable for people tend to feel inauthentic. But Herminia explained authenticity can be a defense against learning and a defense against getting out of your comfort zone. Authenticity can be defined in a number of ways, but when people hide behind it they tend to mean, “being as I’ve always been.” Which is not great, because you can be authentic and change a lot. She says, “The way you actually become really authentic is by changing and adapting and by doing so, mean you remain true to yourself in an evolving way…we all want to be ourselves at work but we want to be ourselves in a way that takes into account growth and evolution.”

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Join us on WiseTalk for inspiring conversation and practical insights when Founder/CEO Susan Bethanis speaks to thought leaders in leadership, tech, design thinking, and human resources.

May 26th, 2021|Categories: Blog, Culture, Leadership, Wise Talk|Tags: act like a leader think like a leader, career strategy, coaching, company culture, covid-19, executive leadership, herminia ibarra, HR Leadership, sue bethanis, wisetalk|

May 20, 2021 / Articles We Like / Blog / Culture / Stress / Work-Life Integration

Alleviating Workplace Stress

Even as the pandemic “eases up,” many of our executive coaching clients and HR partners are still under a lot of stress, pressure, and sometimes even heavier workloads as they plan for their company’s next phase of hybrid work. We have various ways we help them stay resilient, and found this article by Dr. Alice Boyes, author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit to be particularly useful. We hope you will too. Here are some snippets of the article. To read the article in its entirety you can find it here.

“Five Mistakes We Make When We Are Overwhelmed”

Summary. When we’re overwhelmed during busy and challenging times, the way we react can actually make things worse. By being aware of the five common patterns overwhelmed people tend to fall into, you can make things easier on yourself and those around you. First, stop waiting for the opportune moment and actually take the time to do the things you know will help you. Second, make use of your unconscious mind. Third, replace your self-criticism with compassionate self-talk. Fourth, consider your values and make sure they’re the right fit for the situation. Finally, don’t miss opportunities to fill your emotional cup.

When you feel overwhelmed, you may react in ways that not only don’t help the situation but that even make it worse. Maybe you’re oblivious to these patterns, or you know what they are but struggle to do anything about them.

The following are five common self-sabotaging mistakes overwhelmed people tend to make. There are practical solutions for each that will help you feel like you’re on top of things and do a better job of navigating your most important tasks and solving problems.

1. You think you don’t have time for actions that would help you.

People often have great ideas about things that would help them feel better and more in control — for example, hiring someone to help around the house, practicing self-care, seeing a therapist, taking a vacation, or organizing a game night with friends. However, they dismiss them because they think they’re too busy or that it’s not the right time, waiting to take those actions until a more ideal moment that typically never arrives.

2. You don’t utilize your unconscious mind enough.

Focus isn’t the only way to get things done. Your unconscious mind is great at problem-solving, too.

When I go for a walk, my mind wanders. I don’t aim to walk mindfully; rather, I let my mind drift without directing it too much. When I do this, it invariably meanders to work, but not in an unpleasant way. Solutions to problems magically emerge, and what I should prioritize becomes clearer without effort.

3. You interpret feeling overwhelmed as a weakness.

Lots of times, we feel overwhelmed simply because we need to do a task we’re not very familiar with, or because a task is high stakes and we want to do a superb job of it. By itself, this isn’t necessarily a problem. We can often work through the task despite those overwhelmed feelings.

However, sometimes we get self-critical about the very fact that we feel overwhelmed. We think: “I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by this. It’s not that hard. I should be able to handle it without it stressing out.” When you’re self-critical, you become more likely to procrastinate, because not only does the task trigger feelings of overwhelm, it also triggers shame or anxiety about having those feelings.

4. You default to your dominant approaches and defenses.

When we get stressed out, we tend to get a bit more rigid. Because we have less cognitive and emotional bandwidth to consider other options, we become less flexible about adapting to the demands of the situation and default to our dominant ways of handling things.

5. You withdraw from your supports.

If you feel overwhelmed, you’ve probably got limited emotional energy. This can lead to important changes in your behavior and emotional availability. They can be subtle — maybe you usually give your child a long hug when they come to you, but instead, you now give them a quick perfunctory squeeze while still thinking about other things, then get back to whatever you were doing.

By being aware of the five patterns outlined here, you can make getting through busy and challenging times easier on yourself and those around you. They’re understandable patterns to fall into — and not a reason for you to be self-critical. Know what the traps are and make easy, small changes to overcome them.

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May 20th, 2021|Categories: Articles We Like, Blog, Culture, Stress / Work-Life Integration|Tags: articles we like, company culture, corporate culture, executive leadership coach, HBR, stress, workplace culture|